Close Relationships

Evolutionary perspectives on relationships
1. Evolutionary fitness
  1. Potential to pass on your genes/ successfully procreate
  2. Ability to survive to mating years
  3. Ability to maximize the number of offspring that survive to their mating years
2. Polygamy and monogamy
  1. Reproductive investment
    1. Sexual "Choosiness"
      1. Choosy Sex
        Bears the most reproductive costs/ investment
      2. Sex with least reproductive costs
        Should want more partners
        Will be in competition for mates more often
        Displays greater physical variation
    2. The "investment" of time, resources, and risk involved in having each child
  2. Sexual dimorphism
    1. Pronounced difference in the size or bodily structures of the two sexes
  3. Biological basis of monogamy: Oxytocin & Dopamine
    1. Co-occurrence of oxytocin and dopamine in Nucleus Accumbens
      1. Dopamine: reward neurotransmitter
      2. Oxytocin - "Attachment hormone" that is also a neuropeptide
    2. Monogamous animals
      1. Oxytocin and dopamine receptors share nucleus accumbens
      2. Activation of one activates the other
    3. Polygamous animals
      1. No oxytocin receptors in nucleus accumbens
  4. Polygamy
    1. Several members of one sex mating with one individual of the other sex
      1. Polygyny
        Several females mate with one male
      2. Polyandry
        Several males with one female
  5. Monogamy
    1. Reproductive partnership based on a more or less permanent tie between partners
3. Homosexuality
  1. Reproductive partnerships between members of the same sex
    1. Wide displayed across the animal kingdom
    2. Usually associated with disproportionate number of male and female mating adults
4. Human mating
  1. Polygamous and monogamous features of humans
    1. Polygamy
      1. Sexual dimorphism
      2. Great physical variation
      3. 85% of traditional cultures allow some kind of polygamy
    2. Monogamous
      1. Co-occurence of oxytocin & dopamine in human brain
      2. Great physical variation among both sexes
      3. 98.9% of men and 99.2% of women report hoping to settle with 1 life partner in the end
  2. Human Mate Selection
    1. Evidence that human sexual behavior changes over lifespan
      1. Young adulthood
        Mating tends towards polygamy
      2. Mid-20s onward
        Mating tends towards monogamy
Need to belong
1. Motivation of belonging
  1. Belonging is a basic human motivation
    1. Compared to those who are isolated from others, people with strong social networks are:
      1. Happier
      2. Healthier
      3. Greater life satisfaction
2. Evolutionary explanations
  1. Sociometer theory
  2. Human "Survival tactics"
  3. Development of human children
3. Social isolation
  1. Effects of social isolation
    1. Long-term isolation is a form of official torture/ punishment in every society
    2. Social ostracism/ rejection is an unofficial way to enforce social rules in every society
    3. Effects observed in other primates as well
  2. Harlow's Monkeys
    1. Lecture 7, Slide 58
Attachment Theory
1. Imprinting
  1. A more basic form of attachment bond which occurs shortly after birth/hatching among many species
  2. Must occur within the "sensitive period"
  3. Animals show distress when imprinted object has been removed
2. Adult Attachment
  1. Attachment styles
    1. Secure (56%)
      1. Experience of love
        Trust, friendship, positive emotions
      2. View of self/relationships
        Believe in enduring love
        Others are trustworthy
        Self is likeable
      3. Memories of caregivers
        Dependably responsive and caring
    2. Anxious-Ambivalent (19%)
      1. Experience of love
        Preoccupying, almost painfully exciting struggle to merge with someone else
      2. View of self/ relationships
        Fall in love frequently, easily
        Have difficulty finding true love
        Have self-doubts
      3. Memories of caregivers
        Mixture of positive and negative experiences
    3. Avoidant (21%)
      1. Fearful avoidant
      2. Dismissive avoidant
      3. Experience of love
        Fear of closeness
        Lack of trust
      4. View of self/ relationships
        Doubtful of existence or durability of romantic love
        Don't need love partner in order to be happy
        Self as independent, self-reliant
      5. Memories of caregivers
        Cold and rejecting
  2. Attachment dimensions
    1. Lecture 7, Slide 76
  3. Global versus specific attachment orientations
  4. Adult romantic relationships function like caregiver-child attachment relationships
    1. Prefer proximity, with distress upon seperation
    2. Turn to partner for support when stressed, in danger
    3. Derive security from partner, enabling exploration of and engagement with the rest of the world
3. Attachment theory describes how infants become:
  1. Emotionally attached to caregivers
  2. Emotionally distressed at loss of caregiver
  3. Infant Attachment
    1. Comforts fearful child
    2. Builds expectations for future relationships
    3. Provides "secure base" for exploration
4. Infants enter world predisposed to seek direct contact with primary caregiver
  1. Infants find social interaction intrinsically rewarding
  2. Instinctive fear of the unknown/unfamiliar
Closeness
1. Cognitive component
  1. Self-expansion theory
    1. The experience of closeness is an associative overlap of our self-concept with out concept of a close other
      1. Information about close others are closely associated with self-related information
      2. Cognitive component of closeness
    2. Self/Other Cognitive Overlap
      1. Longer reaction times when making "me" / "not me" judgements of spouse's characteristics
      2. Make more situational attributions for self and close others
        Make more dispositional attributions for non-close others
  2. Interdependence Theory/ Investment Model
    1. Social Exchange Theory
      1. Commitment
        Satisfaction
        Reward/ cost ratio
        Comparison level
        Quality of alternatives
        Investment
    2. Commitment
      1. A mental state characterized by a pluralistic, collective representation of the self-in-relationship
      2. (+ Satisfaction) + (- Quality of Alternatives) + (+ Resource Investment)
    3. 3 Components of Commitment
      1. Satisfaction
        Product of perceived rewards, costs, and comparison level
      2. Quality of Alternatives
      3. Resource Investment
2. Affective Component
  1. Theories of Love
    1. Companionate Love
      1. Feelings of intimacy and affection we feel when we care deeply for a person, but without sexual arousal or passion
      2. Can exist between lovers or friends
      3. Valued in all cultures
    2. Passionate Love
      1. Feelings of intense longing for a person, usually accompanied by physiological arousal
      2. Valued in 144 of 167 cultures
  2. Positive illusions
    1. "Idealization" of close others; seeing them as more positive than they see themselves
3. Behavioral Component
  1. Co-operative dilemmas
    1. What to do when one partner behaves destructively?
      1. Accommodate
        Focus on long-term relationship goals instead of short-term, self-serving goals
4. Relationship Dissolution
  1. What couples do well
    1. Novel experiences
      1. Level 7, Slide 99
    2. Married after age 20, similar age
    3. Grew up in 2-parent home
    4. Dated for a long time, but did not live together
    5. Same level of education, especially if high
    6. Good income
    7. Religious, and of same religious affliliation
    8. Sense of equity
    9. Sex often, arguments rarely
  2. Why relationships fail
    1. Low Equity in Relationship
    2. Lack of Positive Illusions (particularly negative illusions)
    3. Low interdependence
    4. Boredom - Lack of exploration/ novel activities
    5. Top causes of Conflict
      1. Sex
      2. Money
      3. Kids
        Marital satisfaction dives with first child
        Slowly returns to pre-child levels by empty nest
        Boost in marital satisfaction when both kids leave the house
  3. How relationships fail
    1. Friendships
      1. People typically use "passive strategies" to end the relationship
      2. Avoidance or withdrawl
    2. Romantic relationships
      1. People typically use "direct strategies" to end the relationship
      2. Direct confrontation
  4. Rejection
    1. Neurochemical basis of rejection
      1. Neurological Experience of Physical Pain
        Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC)
        Associated with "distress signal" during physical pain
      2. Right Ventral Prefrontal Cortex (rvPFC)
        Associated with regulation and inhibition of felt pain
    2. Relationship between social pain and physical pain
      1. If social pain is physically painful... Interrupting the experience of pain should dull the hurt of rejection
        Level 7, Slide 108

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Close Relationships

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