How to Resolve Conflict Effectively.

How to Resolve Conflict Effectively.

1. Figuring Out The Dimensions of the Conflict

   • Look for disproportionate responses.
     •  A disagreement may not equate to a conflict. However, if someone acts way more upset or angry than the situation calls for, look closer at their behavior.
   • Think about tension that exists outside disputes.
     • If you have a conflict with someone, you will always harbor ill will toward them, whether or not you are currently disputing something. If you find yourself upset upon their entering the room, you may need to resolve a conflict.
   • Think about how others color your perceptions.
     • It is human nature to view comments and actions relative to the person who said or did them. However, if you find yourself consistently diminishing the ideas or work of others without much thought, you may have a conflict with them. 

2. Resolving Your Conflict With Another

   • Be creative.
     • Try to think of as many different solutions to the problem as you can. Both of you should try to think through the conflict before you meet, and then again when you get together and begin your discussion.
   • Remain calm.
     • Tempers will stand in the way of working through your differences. After all, the goal is making peace with one another, not getting revenge
   • Make a list of your concerns.
     • Before you meet with the other person, sit down and write out exactly what you think led to the conflict. Try to take personal history and personality out of the equation as much as possible.
   • Allow the other person to talk.
     • You will still be able to make all of your points, but make sure to let the other person state his or her concerns as well. Let them talk, even if you disagree, because interrupting will only add to the conflict.
   • Ask questions.
     • If you don't understand the other person's points, then ask him or her a follow-up question. Make a point to wait until there's a pause in the conversation, so it doesn’t seem like you’re interrupting.
   • Take breaks.
     • If you feel like one of you, or both of you, are getting too emotional, feel free to take as many breaks as you both need to. Take as much time as you need as soon as voices are raised, before anything too hurtful is said. 
   • Stay away from negative talk
     • Focus on the positive things instead of saying things like, "can't," "don't" or "no." The negative words will only make the conflict harder to resolve. They dwell on the conflict rather than the solution. 
   • Find something you can agree on.
     •  There might be a conflict that is just not possible to resolve in one discussion. Think of something to do with the conflict that you both can agree on, and agree to come back to the topic later. 

3. Mediating a Conflict Between Others

   • Think about whether you are the ideal mediator.
     • You might see yourself as a talented counselor or friendly shoulder to cry on. However, you may not be the best mediator for every conflict resolution. 
   • Get them together.
     • Tell the two parties you want to help them work through their differences. Find a time they can both get together to discuss their conflict.
   • Take the lead.
     • You don’t need to control the entire conversation, as this may hinder organic conflict resolution. However, you might consider saying a few opening words to get them started. After all, they should know that their conflict is obvious to an impartial observer, and therefore potentially harmful.
   • Give both parties a chance to speak.
     • The most important part of this process is allowing both parties a chance to air their grievances. Try not to interrupt them, unless they are getting overly angry or hostile. 
   • Listen to both sides.
     • Keep an open mind. Even if you have an idea of who is in the right, alienating one person by giving them less time to speak won’t solve the problem. 
   • Allow for discussion.
     • After you state the purpose of the discussion, you are there as an impartial bystander. Feel free to step in if conversation gets heated or no one is talking. However, remember that this is an opportunity for them to talk, not you.

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