Love and attachment

Love and attachment

1. Infant attachment

   • John Bowlby (1969) orphaned children (WWII) identified parental behaviours
     • a) Maladaptive (eg. chaotic, unplanned attempts to meet a child's needs
       • b) Adaptive (eg. responsive to a child's cues eg smiling
         • linked to functional behaviour and emotional experiences of children
           • attachment system that regulated the proximity -seeking behaviours connecting infants and caregivers in physical and emotional space
             • primary function is the provision of protection and emotional security
               • Bowlby( 1969) realized insecure attachment is a precursor to numerous developmental struggles
                 • The secure pattern of attachment is characterized by a balance between exploration of the environment and contact with caregiver

2. Adult attachment security

   • Attachment acts as an internal working model of self and others to adult
     • Children intergrate perceptions of their social competence, appeal and lovability (self model) with expectations regarding the accessability
     • These model are relatively stable over developmental periods because they are self-reinforcing
   • Adult romantic relationship Hazan &Shaver (1987) found the three categories of secure, avoidant, and anxious
   • Bartholomew and Horowtz (1991) adult attachment four categories by differentiating two types of avoidant attachment (dismissive and fearful)

3. The neurobiology of interpersonal connection

   • Taylor et al (2002) a nurturing relationship between a child and a caregiver promotes the development of regulatory activity, in this case in the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenocortical (HPA)system
   • Schore, 1994, taylor et al 2002. Interpersonal connections stimulate the brain activity that helps to create the regulatory systems that lead to the development of empathy, enjoyment of positive interactions and management of the stress associated with negative interactions

4. Love and marriage

   • Equity theory (walster, Walster & Berscheid, 1978)
     • Any close relationship (friendship or romances) want to get out what you put it
       • If you feel it is not balanced you end the relationship
         • Calculate the costs and benefits of the interpersonal resources (goods, information, love, money)
   • What's love got to do with it?
     • Oxytocin (released during touch and social contact, called the cuddle hormone)
       • Increases during pregnancy and surges during childbirth
   • Four traditions that define love
     • 1. eros, or the search for the beautiful
       • 2. Philia, or the affection in friendship
         • 3. nomos, or submission and obedience to the divine
           • 4. agrape, or the bestowal of love by the dinvine
   • The Triangular Theory of Love (Robert Sternberg -1986)
     • 1. passion, or the physical attractiveness and romantic drives
       • 2. intimacy, or feelings of closeness and connectedness
         • 3. commitment, involving the decision to initiate and sustain a relationship
   • John Gottman
     • Five positive interactions to one negative interactive (5:1) are needed to maintain a healthy relationship
       • Seven principle of making marriage works
         • Seek help early
           • Edit yourself. Think before you speak
             • Soften your 'start up'
               • Accept influence from partners
                 • Have high stardards
                   • Learn to repair and exit argument
                     • Focus on the bright side

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