Develop Communication Skills (Chapter 15)

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15.1 - Communicating for Influence

Denotation: the exact literal meaning of a word (as the dictionary defines it

Connotation: a commonly understood cultural or emotional association that the same word or phrase carries in addition to its explicit or literal meaning

What is Framing?

situations where the power of language can shape the way people evaluate and interpret situations

how options are framed makes particular aspects of a circumstance more or less attractive

framing effect: shift in ones preference for risk based on the words used to introduce and describe a situation

framing is very powerful and common to alter the way people interpret information

How Can We Communicate with Charisma?

ability to communicate for influence is often associated with charisma - a personal gift available only to the fortunate few who have remarkable qualities and traits such as confidence, optimism, wit, and charm

Metaphors: figures of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which is not actually applicable

help people visualize a concept or idea by making it accessible and understandable

EX: "life is a journey" or "The city is a jungle"

Rhetorical Questions: figures of speech in the form of questions that are asked to make a particular point, elicit an emotional response, or start a discussion, rather than get a specific response

EX: "does money grow on trees?"

Contrasts and Comparisons: persuasive communicators are also mindful of how the future states compare to alternatives

Repetition: a common practice in persuasive speech to emphasize critical points by repeating words and expressions over and over again

EX: MLK Speech - "I have a dream"

Moral Conviction: language emphasizes commitment to one's core moral beliefs or higher order ideal concerning right and wrong for which there can be little disagreement

Invoking the collective: emphasizing the collective-common tactic in persuasive communication - tries to encourage people to action by showing that others are already acting (reducing the risk of taking part)

Ambitious Goals: how charismatic communication is effective and try to include communication tactics to improve the persuasiveness of communication (metaphors, questions, contrasts/comparisons, repetition, moral conviction...)

Why Are Stories so Persuasive?

stories are effective ways to explain critical topics in part b/c people are more likely to remember interesting characters, tense moments, and pleasant endings

Premise: setting; or the starting point of the story

location, time (past/present/future), baseline set (cultural/social/cognitive conditions)

Character Development: stories have at least one main character and several supporting characters; a good story make the characters interesting

Foreshadowing: a hint of what is to happen later in the story (helps the audience develop expectations for things to come and is an effective method to create tension or conflict

Tension: or conflict; crystallizing feature in the arc of a story plot; every story must have a central conflict, challenge, or problem that the story is based on

Resolution: story's fundamental tension has been resolved; the moment is the story when the main characters have realized heir triumph over or suffering b/c of the story's essential conflict

Don't Forget the Nonverbals

Nonverbal Communication: one share information without using words (facial expression (emotions like anger or happiness), body position (the way people sit, stand, or cross their arms, hands, feet), eye contact (maintaining eye contact to tell people you are trustworthy and honest...)

affects the impressions we make on others and convey information about motives, interests, and values but in an indirect way

Presence: the act of speaking without using words (nonverbal communication is very powerful)

EX: Furniture placement and nonverbal communication in the office (15.1)

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15.2 - Handle Difficult Conversations Using Supportive Communication

Avoidance: ignoring conversations due to fear of what will be said or worry that a conflict will escalate

one of the biggest problems in communication; it just makes things worse and doesn't make problems go away

What Is a Difficult Conversation?

when avoiding a conversation we increase the chance that problems will get worse, violence is also often accompanied by the attribution bias

Attribution Bias: the tendency to blame others and not ourselves; can be seen in stories we tell ourselves about why we are great and why they are bad

instead of avoidance, we need to be able to address the issue by having a difficult conversation

Difficult conversation: communication situation characterized by strong emotion and potential conflict (requires careful preparation and emotional regulation)

What Are Supportive Communication Principles?

Supportive Communication Principles: techniques for navigating difficult conversations; designed to reduce emotional defenses that arise in conflict situations by focusing on joint problem solving

Joint problem solving: involves framing a problem in an objective rather than accusatory or confrontational manner

Defensiveness and Disconfirmation

Defensiveness: when people feel attacked and want to protect themselves displayed as anger, aggression, or defiance

Disconfirmation: when people feel they are being put down or their self-worth is being challenged

Problem-orientated, not person-oriented: focus on identifying specific behaviors that can be changed to make the situation better and it is inferred using statements such as "I" and "you"

Remember that word choice counts

analyze the situation to identify specific and nonjudgmental examples you can use to start a difficult conversation

think about statements that are factual and objective

Plan carefully, but be open to new information

every difficult conversation needs to plan and prep time to be successful; you need to prepare, but plan for the unexpected

have opening comments prepared that focus on joint problem-solving, but then do not overly specify what you think the solution should be; allow the other person to provide his or her perspective of what is going on; ask them what they think needs to be done to improve the situation and work together to come to a resolution

Manage your own behavior

supportive communication skills require self-management and accepting your own contribution to the problem situation

Owning the communication: taking responsibility for what you say rather than placing it on a third party

Congruent: matching the verbal (words) with the nonverbal (body language); don't say one thing your body is showing

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15.3 - Develop Your Feedback and Listening Skills

Feedback and listening are vital for human development

In most workplaces, there is too little feedback or negative feedback and people avoid it because they are afraid it will make things worse

What is Developmental Feedback?

Developmental feedback: provides information about what we are doing well and what could use improvement; all of us have mistakes and have things we can do better and it is needed in these situations b/c w are quite often unaware of these issues

The Johari Window: created by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham; shows that some things that are "open" that we know about ourselves and that others also know; and some things that are "hidden" that we know about ourselves but others don't know

Blind spot: things we don't know about ourselves but others do and it's important b/c it provides a developmental opportunity for us (reduce it by getting feedback from others)

Feedback giving: providing information to others about outcomes of their performance, behavior, or action (5 rules)

de developmental: be positive and focus on things the individual can improve, not on things they can't

be timely and specific: give feedback as soon as your can after the issue occurs and the most specific you are the better

private and at a good time: communicate in a place that is safe and comfortable for the other person; don't force the conversation when the person is tired, distracted, or busy - could cause the person to become impatient

feedback in small chunks: limit the focus and state with the things you think the person can handle; start with the basics of what you need to cover and then let the other person determine how far they want to go

don't bring the person down: reinforce and make sure the person knows there are good things about them too; convey a sense of caring and that you are trying to help - be kind

Feedback Seeking: gather information for improving performance, enhancing relations, and increasing overall well-being; feedback is always important and we should continue to pursue it in ways that help us be more effective in our relationships and in our tasks

Feedback orientation: one's overall receptivity to feedback

higher feedback orientation are better able to control and overcome their emotional reactions to feedback; allows them to process feedback more effectively by avoiding common attribution errors such as externalizing blame and identifying ways to improve relationships and performance

four dimensions:

Utility: the belief that feedback is useful in achieving goals or obtaining desired outcomes

Accountability: feeling that one is accountable to act on feedback one receives

Social Awareness: consideration of others' views of oneself and being sensitive to these views

Feedback self-efficiency: individuals perceived competence in interpreting and responding to feedback appropriately

What Are Active Listening Skills?

listening strategies focused on mindfully hearing what another person is saying to assist them in working through a problem or issues; "we have 2 ears and 1 mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak"

reflecting: paraphrasing back what the other said; summarizing what was stated or asking a question for clarification or elaboration (effective reflecting shows that we are really listening and giving others a chance to correct any misunderstanding)

probing: asking for additional information; the purpose is to help the speaker dig more into understanding the feelings, facts, and meanings of the issues they are trying to explore

deflecting: shifting to a different topic or countering with a revised version of the issue; moving the conversation away from its original starting point

advising: telling someone what to do; the purpose of it is to offer suggestions for overcoming a problem in a meaningful or satisfying way

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15.4 - The Communication Process

Communication: the process of sending and receiving symbols with meanings attached; means for connecting with people to network, build relationships, and collaborate

Effective Communication

effective communication: sender's message is fully understood by the receiver

efficient communication: minimum cost in terms of resources expended

Persuasion and Credibility in Communication

Persuasive Communication: results in a recipient agreeing with or supporting the message; presents the message in a manner that causes the other person to support it

Credible communication: earns trust, respect, and integrity, in the eyes of others

credibility is gained through expertise when you are knowledgeable about an issue or have a successful track record dealing with similar issues

credibility is also gained through relationships, when you work well and get along with the people to be persuaded.

Communication Barriers

noise: anything that interferes with the effectiveness of communication (process)

semantic problems

little or no feedback

improper distractions

status effect

cultural differences

Information Filtering: intentional distortion of information to make it appear more favorable to the recipient

problems with information filtering are that someone will tell their boss what they think they want to hear

Poor choice of channels

Communication channel: pathways or medium through which a message is conveyed from sender to receiver

good communicators choose the right channel or combination of channels to accomplish their intended purpose

written channels: paper or electronic; useful when it is important to document information or directives

spoken channels: face-to-face or electronic; works best for complex and difficult messages and where immediate feedback to the sender is valuable

Poor written or oral expression

communication will only be effective when the sender expresses the message in clearly understood ways; words must be well chosen and used properly, something we often fail to do

Failure to recognize nonverbal signals

nonverbal communication: takes place through gestures and body language

sometimes our body language "talks" even as we maintain silence

Mixed message: results when words communicate one message while action, body language, or appearance communicates something else

Overloads and Distractions

caused by the availability and abundance of electronic communications can make it hard to communicate well

Cross-Cultural Communication

communication across cultures requires lots of sensitivity, awareness, and the availability to quickly learn local rights and wrongs

Ethnocentrism: tendency to consider one's culture superior to any and all other

can spot it in conversations as arrogance in tone, manners, and gestures. and use of words

Cultural etiquette: use of appropriate manners, language, and behaviors when interacting with persons from other cultures

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15.5 - Improving Collaboration through Communication

Effective communication is essential as people work together in teams and organization

the better the communication, the more likely it is that collaboration will be successful

Transparency and Openness

communication transparency: involves openly sharing honest and complete information about the organization and workplace affairs

Open book management: where managers provide employees with essential financial information about their companies; like being open about pay which is something that was once thought best kept secret

Use of Electronic Media

technology has changed how we communicate and it has created a social media revolution that can be a performance asset or detriment

Active Listening

when people "talk" they are trying to communicate something and that something may or may not be what they are actually saying

active listening: the source of a message say what he or she really means

Constructive Feedback

feedback: the process of telling someone else how you feel about something that person did or said

art of giving feedback is an indispensable skill, especially for managers who regularly give feedback to other people

Space Design

Proxemics: a study of how we use space and space counts in communication; involves the use of space in communication

distance between people conveys varying intentions in terms of intimacy, openness, and status in interpersonal communications

organizations today are being run with the premise that the more people communicate with one another, the more they'll collaborate and the better the organization will perform