Close Relationships

Close Relationships

1. Evolutionary perspectives on relationships

   • Evolutionary fitness
     • Potential to pass on your genes/ successfully procreate
     • Ability to survive to mating years
     • Ability to maximize the number of offspring that survive to their mating years
   • Polygamy and monogamy
     • Reproductive investment
       • Sexual "Choosiness"
         • Choosy Sex
           • Bears the most reproductive costs/ investment
         • Sex with least reproductive costs
           • Should want more partners
           • Will be in competition for mates more often
           • Displays greater physical variation
       • The "investment" of time, resources, and risk involved in having each child
     • Sexual dimorphism
       • Pronounced difference in the size or bodily structures of the two sexes
     • Biological basis of monogamy: Oxytocin & Dopamine
       • Co-occurrence of oxytocin and dopamine in Nucleus Accumbens
         • Dopamine: reward neurotransmitter
         • Oxytocin - "Attachment hormone" that is also a neuropeptide
       • Monogamous animals
         • Oxytocin and dopamine receptors share nucleus accumbens
         • Activation of one activates the other
       • Polygamous animals
         • No oxytocin receptors in nucleus accumbens
     • Polygamy
       • Several members of one sex mating with one individual of the other sex
         • Polygyny
           • Several females mate with one male
         • Polyandry
           • Several males with one female
     • Monogamy
       • Reproductive partnership based on a more or less permanent tie between partners
   • Homosexuality
     • Reproductive partnerships between members of the same sex
       • Wide displayed across the animal kingdom
       • Usually associated with disproportionate number of male and female mating adults
   • Human mating
     • Polygamous and monogamous features of humans
       • Polygamy
         • Sexual dimorphism
         • Great physical variation
         • 85% of traditional cultures allow some kind of polygamy
       • Monogamous
         • Co-occurence of oxytocin & dopamine in human brain
         • Great physical variation among both sexes
         • 98.9% of men and 99.2% of women report hoping to settle with 1 life partner in the end
     • Human Mate Selection
       • Evidence that human sexual behavior changes over lifespan
         • Young adulthood
           • Mating tends towards polygamy
         • Mid-20s onward
           • Mating tends towards monogamy

2. Need to belong

   • Motivation of belonging
     • Belonging is a basic human motivation
       • Compared to those who are isolated from others, people with strong social networks are:
         • Happier
         • Healthier
         • Greater life satisfaction
   • Evolutionary explanations
     • Sociometer theory
     • Human "Survival tactics"
     • Development of human children
   • Social isolation
     • Effects of social isolation
       • Long-term isolation is a form of official torture/ punishment in every society
       • Social ostracism/ rejection is an unofficial way to enforce social rules in every society
       • Effects observed in other primates as well
     • Harlow's Monkeys
       • Lecture 7, Slide 58

3. Attachment Theory

   • Imprinting
     • A more basic form of attachment bond which occurs shortly after birth/hatching among many species
     • Must occur within the "sensitive period"
     • Animals show distress when imprinted object has been removed
   • Adult Attachment
     • Attachment styles
       • Secure (56%)
         • Experience of love
           • Trust, friendship, positive emotions
         • View of self/relationships
           • Believe in enduring love
           • Others are trustworthy
           • Self is likeable
         • Memories of caregivers
           • Dependably responsive and caring
       • Anxious-Ambivalent (19%)
         • Experience of love
           • Preoccupying, almost painfully exciting struggle to merge with someone else
         • View of self/ relationships
           • Fall in love frequently, easily
           • Have difficulty finding true love
           • Have self-doubts
         • Memories of caregivers
           • Mixture of positive and negative experiences
       • Avoidant (21%)
         • Fearful avoidant
         • Dismissive avoidant
         • Experience of love
           • Fear of closeness
           • Lack of trust
         • View of self/ relationships
           • Doubtful of existence or durability of romantic love
           • Don't need love partner in order to be happy
           • Self as independent, self-reliant
         • Memories of caregivers
           • Cold and rejecting
     • Attachment dimensions
       • Lecture 7, Slide 76
     • Global versus specific attachment orientations
     • Adult romantic relationships function like caregiver-child attachment relationships
       • Prefer proximity, with distress upon seperation
       • Turn to partner for support when stressed, in danger
       • Derive security from partner, enabling exploration of and engagement with the rest of the world
   • Attachment theory describes how infants become:
     • Emotionally attached to caregivers
     • Emotionally distressed at loss of caregiver
     • Infant Attachment
       • Comforts fearful child
       • Builds expectations for future relationships
       • Provides "secure base" for exploration
   • Infants enter world predisposed to seek direct contact with primary caregiver
     • Infants find social interaction intrinsically rewarding
     • Instinctive fear of the unknown/unfamiliar

4. Closeness

   • Cognitive component
     • Self-expansion theory
       • The experience of closeness is an associative overlap of our self-concept with out concept of a close other
         • Information about close others are closely associated with self-related information
         • Cognitive component of closeness
       • Self/Other Cognitive Overlap
         • Longer reaction times when making "me" / "not me" judgements of spouse's characteristics
         • Make more situational attributions for self and close others
           • Make more dispositional attributions for non-close others
     • Interdependence Theory/ Investment Model
       • Social Exchange Theory
         • Commitment
           • Satisfaction
             • Reward/ cost ratio
             • Comparison level
           • Quality of alternatives
           • Investment
       • Commitment
         • A mental state characterized by a pluralistic, collective representation of the self-in-relationship
         • (+ Satisfaction) + (- Quality of Alternatives) + (+ Resource Investment)
       • 3 Components of Commitment
         • Satisfaction
           • Product of perceived rewards, costs, and comparison level
         • Quality of Alternatives
         • Resource Investment
   • Affective Component
     • Theories of Love
       • Companionate Love
         • Feelings of intimacy and affection we feel when we care deeply for a person, but without sexual arousal or passion
         • Can exist between lovers or friends
         • Valued in all cultures
       • Passionate Love
         • Feelings of intense longing for a person, usually accompanied by physiological arousal
         • Valued in 144 of 167 cultures
     • Positive illusions
       • "Idealization" of close others; seeing them as more positive than they see themselves
   • Behavioral Component
     • Co-operative dilemmas
       • What to do when one partner behaves destructively?
         • Accommodate
           • Focus on long-term relationship goals instead of short-term, self-serving goals
   • Relationship Dissolution
     • What couples do well
       • Novel experiences
         • Level 7, Slide 99
       • Married after age 20, similar age
       • Grew up in 2-parent home
       • Dated for a long time, but did not live together
       • Same level of education, especially if high
       • Good income
       • Religious, and of same religious affliliation
       • Sense of equity
       • Sex often, arguments rarely
     • Why relationships fail
       • Low Equity in Relationship
       • Lack of Positive Illusions (particularly negative illusions)
       • Low interdependence
       • Boredom - Lack of exploration/ novel activities
       • Top causes of Conflict
         • Sex
         • Money
         • Kids
           • Marital satisfaction dives with first child
           • Slowly returns to pre-child levels by empty nest
           • Boost in marital satisfaction when both kids leave the house
     • How relationships fail
       • Friendships
         • People typically use "passive strategies" to end the relationship
         • Avoidance or withdrawl
       • Romantic relationships
         • People typically use "direct strategies" to end the relationship
         • Direct confrontation
     • Rejection
       • Neurochemical basis of rejection
         • Neurological Experience of Physical Pain
           • Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC)
             • Associated with "distress signal" during physical pain
         • Right Ventral Prefrontal Cortex (rvPFC)
           • Associated with regulation and inhibition of felt pain
       • Relationship between social pain and physical pain
         • If social pain is physically painful... Interrupting the experience of pain should dull the hurt of rejection
           • Level 7, Slide 108