creating and belonging

creating and belonging

1. Love and Attachment; necessary components for flourishing relationships; need to be accompanied by purposeful relationship behaviours.

2. Infant attachment- Bowlby, Maladaptive; e.g. chaotic, unplanned attempts to meet childs needs. Adaptive; e.g. responsive to childs behavioural cues. Linked to functional behaviour and emotional experiences of children. Parental behaviour lead to the development of an attachment system that regulates the proximity seeking behaviours connecting the infants and caregivers. The primary function is the provision of protection and emotional security (Lopez 2003). Bowl by realised insecure attachment is a precursor to numerous developmental struggles.

3. Infant attachment; Ainsworth- the strange situation exposes a child to a novel situation with his pr her caregiver. Trained observers code behavioural responses in this strange situation; secure, insecure avoidant, insecure resistant/ ambivalent. Secure pattern of attachment is characterised by a balance between exploration of the environment and contact with the caregiver. Children with insecure-avoidant pattern avoid the caregiver when reintroduced. The insecure resistant/ambivalent pattern passively or actively demonstrate hostility toward caregiver while simultaneously wanted to be held and comforted.

4. Adult attachment security; in adult romantic relationships Hazan and shaver found that 3 categories of secure, avoidant and anxious. Bartholomew and Horowitz adult attachment 4 categories by differentiating 2 types of avoidant attachment (dismissive and fearful). secure; emotionally close with others, comfortable depending on others. Dismissing; uncomfortable being without close relationships, find that others are reluctant to get as close as i would like. Fearful; uncomfortable getting close to others, find it difficult to trust others or depend on them.

5. The neurobiology of interpersonal connection; Taylor et al nurturing relationship between a child and caregiver promotes the development of regulatory activity, the HPA system which is activated via hormone secretion.

6. Neurobiology of attachment; Schore 1994, Taylor et al 2002, interpersonal connections stimulate the brain activity that helps to create the regulatory system that leads to the development of empathy, enjoyment of positive interactions and management of the stress associated with negative interactions.

7. Love and Marriage; Equity theory; any close relationships want to get what you put in. If you feel its not balanced you may end the relationship, calculate costs and benefits of the interpersonal resources.

8. Whats love got to do with it; Oxytocin released during touch and social contact increased during pregnancy and surges during childbirth. Mum looks at pictures of their offspring, brain regions responsible for negative emotions and social comparison deactivated (Bartes and Zeki 2004).

9. Happiness score after marriage; Richard lucas 15 year study of 24,000 couples, scale 1-10. pre-marriage average 7.28,wedding day 7.56, 2 years later 7.28.

10. Singer 1984,1987; 4 traditions that define love; Eros- search for the beautiful. Philia- affection in friendship. Noms- submission and obedience to the divine. Agape- bestowal of love by the divine. Passionate and companionate aspects of romantic love.

11. Passionate and companionate aspects of romantic love; Romantic love is a complex emotion that may be best parsed into passionate and companionate forms, Berscheid and Walster 1978. Passionate love (the intense arousal that feels a romantic union) involves a state if absorption between two people that often is accompanied by moods ranging from ecstasy to anguish. The companionate forms (the soothing, steady warmth that sustains a relationships) of romantic love is manifested in a strong bond and intertwining of lives that brings about feelings of comfort and love. In a study of couples married for as long as 40 years. Contras, Hendrick and Hendrick found that companionate love and passionate love were alive and that passionate love was the strongest predictor or marital satisfaction.

12. The triangular theory of love; Robert Sternberg theories that love is a mix of the 3 following components; Passionate or the physical attractiveness and romantic drives. Intimacy and feelings of closeness and connectedness. Commitment, involving the decision to initiate and sustain a relationship.

13. John Gottman; magic ratio for marriages- 5 positive interaction to 1 negative are needed to maintain a healthy relationship.

14. 7 principles of making marriage work; seek help early, Edit yourself- thinking before you speak, soften your start up, accept influence from partner, have higher standards, learn to repair and exit the argument, focus on the bright side.

15. Responses from partner to getting a rise; active constructive, active destructive, passive constructive, passive destructive.