How to influence People - Dale Carnengie

Victor Bini
Flashcards by Victor Bini, updated more than 1 year ago


Skills for Life Business Strategy (Livros Business - Personal Growth) Flashcards on How to influence People - Dale Carnengie, created by Victor Bini on 04/08/2016.

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Question Answer
If you want to make a good first impression...? Smile. It our actions,not our words that show others what we think of them. If you want to makeyourself instantly likeable, the first thing to do is to show others howmuch you enjoy being around them. If you're happy tosee someone, the other person will be happy to see you too. Psychologists havealso uncovered a positive side-effect of excessive smiling. It seems that theconnection between positive emotions and smiling is not a one-way street. This means that by smiling, we not only make other people happier butourselves as well. him in)
If you want to be interesting yourself...(se interessem por você) Be interested inothers. We all love a goodlisterner, especiall when that person encourages us to speak about outselves. All humans are naturally interested in themselves, and hence(consequentemente) we are always happy to meet someone who shares this interest. So if you want toapper likeable and interesting, don't talk but listen. Ask others aboutthemselves and encourage them to speak as much as they like. The secret ofbeing interesting is simply to be interested. To relly listenmeans giving the other person your full attention. Make a conscious effort toshow that you're genuinely interested in learning about everything they have tosay. Don't interrupt them or let yourself be distracted. Therefore, to bemore likeable, try to be a good listener and encourage others to talk,especially about themselves. "You can make morefriends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can intwo years by trying to get other people interested in you."
To be convincing.... ...get others to say"yes" as often as possible. If you want topersuade someone to change their opinion, never let them know this is what youmean to do. No one likes having to change their opinion;hence(consequentemente), you must persuade them indirectly. First of all,try to win the other person over by being nice, polide and patient with them.If you act agressively and combatively, your oppponent will stop listening andwill fell the need to fight back and defend their position. To avoid this,always emphasize shared interests. Make it clear that both you and youropponent have the same goals. Never reveal your own views before ensuring theother person believes your interests are shared. Once the otherperson sees your goal as converging, the most effective way to persuade them ofyour views is to make them agree with you as often as possible. Build yourargumentation by asking your opponent lots of small questions that can only beanswered with a "yes". The reasoning behindthis approach, also known as the Socratic method
If you want others to like you, don't.... Criticize them. Criticizing people andpointing out their mistakes doesn't encourage them to change their behavior,and it certainly doesn't help them learn anything. This is because people arenot primariy driven by reason but rather by emotion. - People are naturalreaction will be to immediately defend their own position by fightingback. Abraham Lincoln learnedthis lesson well, he usually say in the Civil War "Don't criticize them;they are just what we would be under similar circumstances" If you want other tolike you, try to understand what drives them and make a rule to never criticizethem openly, for this criticism will only come back to harm(prejudicar)you. 3)
Never tell others they are wrong... ;they will only resent you. Whenever you tellsomeone they're wrong, you're basically saying, "I'm smarter thanyou." This is a direct attack on their self-esteem. Their feelings will behurt, and they will want to retaliate. In general, whenever youwant to express your opposition to someone's opinions, never say things inabsolute terms like "It is clear that..." or "Obviously, thecase is..." since this implies "I'm smarter than you." Even if youdo think you're smarter, never openly display this mentality to other people. To get the otherperson to reevaluate their view, it's much more effective to be humble andopen-minded; e.g"I thought differently but I might be wrong." I'vebeen wrong pretty ofren, so let's have a look at the facts againtogether." If you frame youropposition like this, the other person is much less likely to becomeupset(chateado) or to resent you before even hearing what you have to say. Witha little luck, a soft approach will quickly turn opponents into allies, makingit possible for you to change their opinions.
Show you appreciation for others by talking... About what's important tothem. Peaple enjoy talkingto good listeners, but even more than this they enjoy talking to someone who iskwnowledgeable about things they're interested in, such as their jobs or theirhobbies. Everyone likes to talk about things that are important to them, sonaturally they like other people who share their interests. [TheodoreRoosevelt por exemplo, antes de se reunir com algúem pesquisava sobre seusgostos] Ofcourse, there is one topic everybody is interested in: themselves. Every personfeels that they are valuable and interesting, and we enjoy others confirmingthis belief. Whenever you meetsomeone, find something you admire about them and tell about it.Regardless(independente) of whom you meet, you can always find something toadmire in them. The easiest way toget into the mind-set of appreciating others is to keep in mind the GoldenRule: treat others as you like others to treat you.
Avoid all arguments - They cannot be won. There is nothing togain from such arguments. No matter what the result, your opponent won't agreewith you; rather, they will just resent(ressentir) you and your arguments. Hence(consequentemente),avoid arguments, but when they are absolutely necessary and inevitable, keepyour emotions out of them. Initially both parties should maintain a distance toeach other so they can first think about the topic in private. They should onlymeet in person once the initial emotional reation has dissipated.ot"3)
If you want others to gladly(alegremente) do youfavors... Show your appreciation frequently. How can you get someone todo you a favor? You must motive the other person with a simple reward: yoursincere appreciation. Onne of the strongest drivers of human behavior is thedesire to be appreciated by others. We all like being complimented and hearingwe're doing a "good job". For someone to wantto do you favors, they must know you as someone who shows appreciation, notsomeone who is quick to criticize. Your appreciationmust be honest. To attain this honesty, the right mindset is crucial. Trythinking like Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said that every person he met wassuperior to him in certain ways, so there was always something to learn fromand appreciate in other people.3)
Whenever you are wrong... ...admit it immediately andclearly. We all makemistakes. Whenever you do and someone is about to berate you for it, there's asimple way to steal your opponent' thunder: admit your mistake quickly andclearly. This can have an unexpectedeffect: Just a second ago, the other person was planning to bolster his ownself-esteem by criticizing you. but the moment you admitted your"guilt," the situation completly turned around. If the other personstilll wants to fell important, they must be generous and forgive you. This approach also has anothervery positive side-effeect: publicly criticizing yourself is much more pleasantthan having to listen to others do it. Public self-criticism isalso likely to make others think more highly of you: anyone can defendthemselves in the face of criticism, but it takes character to openly admityour weaknesses and shortcomings.
We like peaple who show their... ...appreciation andremember things about us, like our names. If you want to winothers over, show them your full appreciation and be enthusiastic about it.Demonstrate that you're interested in them and in what they have to say, andtry to remember the things they tell you. In pratice, thismeans you should always greet other cheerfully, be a good listener, and makesure you remember personal details like names and birthdays. The simplest trickfor genarating affection is to remember and frequently use another person'sname, since everyone likes to hear their own name. Whenver you meet someonenew, remember their name and try to use it as you talk. Theother person will like you instantly.
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