Self-Esteem: The 6 Pillars

Self-Esteem: The 6 Pillars

1. Living Purposefully

   • identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them (formulating an action-plan)
   • Organizing behavior in the service of those goals;
   • Monitoring action to be sure we stay on track; and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when we need to go back to the drawing-board.

2. Self-Assertiveness

   • Being authentic in our dealings with others; treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts.
   • Refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval;
   • The willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.

3. Self-Acceptance

   • The willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning; and also without self-repudiation
   • Giving oneself permission to think one’s thoughts, experience one’s emotions, and look at one’s actions without necessarily liking, endorsing, or condoning them
   • The virtue of realism applied to the self.

4. Personal Integrity

   • living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do.
   • telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.

5. Living Consciously

   • Being present to what we are doing while are doing it.
   • Seeking and being eagerly open to any information, knowledge, or feedback that bears on our interests, values, goals, and projects
   • Seeking to understand not only the world external to self but also our inner world, so that we do not out of self-blindness.

6. Self-Responsibility

   • Realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions
   • That each one us is responsible for life and well-being and for the attainment of our goals; that if we need the cooperation of other people to achieve our goals, we must offer values in exchange
   • Acknowledging that the question is not “Who’s to blame?” but always “What needs to be done?”

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