Old Testament

Old Testament

1. Creation 1.

   • Metaphor for the creation of the world
   • Adam and Eve mother and father of hummanity
   • God created the world in 7 metaphorical days
   • Follows the lineage of evoloution
   • Created 7 day week rested on the 7th day
   • Started with Sea and Sky
     • Ended with Rest

2. The Flood 3.

   • God was mad at man kind because everyone was sinning and such
   • In all the chaos their was one (sorta) nice guy
     • God choose Noah and his family to be saved from the flood
       • This guy builds a big ole' boat while people are all like "noah why you makin dis boat?" and Noahs all like "THE POWER OF GOD HAS TOLD ME TO MAKE A BOAT HOP OFF"
   • Gods all like "I wanna have this dope world after Im done with this tantrum" He instructs Noah to take 2 of every animal
   • The flood lasts 40 days and nights
     • More than half of Kim K's marriage.

3. The Fall 2.

   • Adam and eve eat from tree of knowledge of good and evil
   • Disobey AND lie to God
   • Learn that being naked is bad
   • Hide from God when he comes into garden
   • Started mankind's sinful nature
   • Were cast out from garden of eden
     • mankind continued to go away from God

4. Blessings Of Abraham 4.

   • "I will make you a great nation"
     • Gods like "Abe I'm gonna make you a nation, hang in their fam"
     • "You will have many nations"
       • My brother Abe is a little old for kids to say so he's like; "lol okay god"
         • Gods like; "sike abe you're gonna have kids"
         • His wife Sarah was like ;" lol sure God"
           • after their son is born God goes; HA NAME HIM LAUGHTER (Issac)

5. Jacob and His Sons 5.

   • After a little fixing and working things in his favor Jacob ends up on top.
     • Jacob and his wives (Billah Rachel leah and Ziplah) get to work and have 12 kids
       • These children become the 12 TRIBES OF ISREAL
         • Gods over here like; "CALLED IT"
         • After a scuffle with The Big Man Jacobs like; "I'm done with this Jacob name, I'm calling my self Isreal.
           • Shocker Isreal means WRESTLE WITH GOD
           • God is basically like; "I know these morons are gonna cause some trouble but It'll work itself it out"

6. Exodous

   • Exodous 6.
     • My bud Moses is a weird guy who can't really talk without stuttering
       • Gods like; You're rescuing these people ya whimp
       • Since Moses keeps whining Gods like; FINE TAKE ARRON YA WHIMP
       • Moses shows how God uses the meek and unsuspecting for his hardest jobs
     • MY MAN RESCUES THE JEWISH PEOPLE AND ESTABLISHES THE LAW OF ALL GOD FEARING PEOPLE

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