Losing My Mind

ashley.trippe
Mind Map by ashley.trippe, updated more than 1 year ago
ashley.trippe
Created by ashley.trippe over 6 years ago
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Description

Personal brain picking for my therapy session in an hour

Resource summary

Losing My Mind
  1. Ego
    1. Fight between ego and confidence
      1. Feeling connected and one with everyone, then loving myself and wanting to feel special to the world
      2. Being an only child, selfishness is a common trait
        1. Can't find balance- Don't know when it's OK to be selfish
          1. Aquarius
            1. Nikki calling me selfish
          2. Joey
            1. Expectations
              1. Expecting within reason, the balance of expectatins
              2. Not feeling comftorable after funeral
                1. Did I make things weird or has something weird been going on
                  1. Never know what to ask or say for stimulation
                  2. Trust
                    1. Taylor and Ash
                    2. Game of who cares less?
                      1. Confidence
                      2. Social/Overthinking
                        1. Can't people
                          1. LSD/Mushrooms
                            1. Purpose of Life
                              1. How God ties in with my psychedlic experiences
                                1. My part in the plan
                                2. Music Festivals, Suwannee, Nikki, Gare
                                  1. Can't thrive in music festivals because I can't be myself without overthinking
                                    1. Wakarusa Mushroom trip
                                      1. Grateful Dead Fam
                                        1. Groups
                                          1. Intimidating
                                          2. Cult
                                          3. I know there's a balance between the real world and spirituality, but is there? Buddha left everything
                                          4. I feel like I never talk about the right stuff, overthink conversations
                                          5. Difficulting separatig drugs and spirituality
                                            1. There are people who have no idea what I'm talking about. I feel crazy a lot of the time, like everything I think is crazy
                                          6. Can't get close to people
                                            1. Worried I don't have anything of value to say unless it's about me
                                              1. I can never know enough about stuff/not smart enough
                                                1. Not enough time for me to learn about everything while maintaining balance
                                              2. Confidence might have an affect
                                                1. Scared of letting the wrong people get to know me
                                                  1. Judgment of character
                                                    1. Taylor
                                                      1. Scared in general for people to get to know me?
                                                        1. Do I not like myself? I like being alone
                                                          1. Worried of having to entertain who I'm with all the time
                                                            1. Again, ego? Me feeling like I have to be the center of attention?
                                                              1. I'm okay not doing anything, even though I prefer to be doing something. I'm just not so comftorable doing anything with people really, unless there's a planned event or a goal.
                                                                1. Worried I'll run out of stuff to talk about
                                                                  1. Maybe I don't want to talk about spiriuality because I'll feel no one will understand
                                                                    1. How do I not seperate myself from everyone else?
                                                                      1. How do I feel one with everyone without mentally thinking of myself as different?
                                                                        1. How do I get out of my head
                                                                2. So many awkward silences in my life
                                                                  1. I try to ask people questions about their life, I feel like I'm talking about the wrong stuff all the time
                                                                    1. Everthing that I feel I have to talk about seems either really worldly or really spiritually out there
                                                                      1. I've been thinking spirituality so much, but I don't know enough to feel comftorable talking to people
                                                                        1. Goes back to Music Festivals
                                                                          1. How is anyone confident in what they're doing and in the relationships they have without knowing what your grounding and roots are
                                                              2. Can't be the happy and friendly self I want to
                                                                1. A lot of guys have taken it the wrong way
                                                                  1. Due to that I overthink my entire self
                                                                    1. Because guys take it the wrong way, if I'm with both girls and guys I don't want anyone thinking I'm coming off as flirty so I just try to not be super friendly
                                                                      1. I feel like it can be considered fake, but I want to be happy and excited all the time, and you can be whoever you want so shouldn't I practice the traits I want to have
                                                                        1. End up not showing people who I am
                                                                    2. Spirituality has made me question who I am, my reasons for what I do, and the kind of relationships I have
                                                                2. Maintaining Life Balance
                                                                  1. There's not enough time, but time doesn't exist
                                                                    1. Mom
                                                                      1. I feel like I'm the only one that can help
                                                                        1. Hate the job my whole life
                                                                          1. Don't know what else I would be doing though, good on resume
                                                                          2. Health
                                                                            1. Mini stroke
                                                                            2. Jim- she feels alone
                                                                              1. Fight between me wanting to experience everything I can while I can, because my opportunities might not be as expanded when I'm older
                                                                                1. Mom has worked her ass off her whole life
                                                                                  1. Feeling selfish and guilty every day I don't want to work and every day I don't work
                                                                                    1. Jim and Joey making me feel selfish
                                                                                      1. I feel stuck in Gainesville
                                                                                        1. Don't want to leave because of family and funds
                                                                                          1. Free house tha was made for me, they built stuff for Buddha, mom at work, their health, don't want to disappoint them mostly.
                                                                                            1. The Living Buddha
                                                                                        2. Disappointed mom and Jim so much
                                                                                          1. Constantly feeling like I'm making up for something
                                                                                            1. I don't know what's right to be expected out of me at this age. Sometimes I feel I do a lot, and other times I feel like I don't do a lot of what I should be doing.
                                                                                              1. "If you feel like you should have you life together by 20, you're living your twenties wrong"
                                                                                        3. She didn't have the opportunities or resources I have when she was growing up
                                                                                          1. I grew up learning to appreciate everything I have, I try to appreciate everything in my life by trying to take advantage of my resources
                                                                                            1. It's hard for me to take money serious because I want to trust that God and the Universe will provide
                                                                                              1. Probably provide within reason
                                                                                                1. Do I think this because I have always been provided for?
                                                                                                  1. Popped a tire- had to borrow money from mom so I get how saving to prepare for the unexpected is important
                                                                                                    1. Struggle with security
                                                                                                      1. The point of civilization and society is to create security of living
                                                                                                        1. Can you ever actually create security? Everything can change so fast and how can you actually prepare for the unexpected?
                                                                                                  2. I spend a lot of money, hard for me to save it with 40,000 sitting in my savings
                                                                                                    1. I see my mom work her whole life at a job she didn't like, to 30 years later still be doing the same thing
                                                                                      2. Hard deciding where and who to put my time into
                                                                                        1. Goes back to judge of character
                                                                                          1. We're all the same person with different factors, hard for me to cut people out of my life or not give people my time when I'm needed
                                                                                            1. Everyone needs someone
                                                                                          2. Hate my job but I want to help mom and I want money
                                                                                          3. Struggle between laziness and productivity
                                                                                            1. Adderall
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