Exam Review

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Main takeaway from class, Human beings are social creatures, we all feel a need to belong.

Main takeaway from divorce, We can all be more charming, kind, and more rewarding partners if we want to be!

Divorce

Compared to those whose parents stay married, children of divorce exhibit lower levels of wellbeing

More depression, anxiety, drug use, violations of the law

More unwanted babies, most likely to divorce themselves

Parental Loss View: Children benefit from having two parents, if divorce occurs, children do best when spending time with both parents.

Parental Stress Model: Children's outcomes depend on how well custodial parent adjusts to divorce. Supported in that children of divorce may start doing poorly in school when parents grow dissatisfied before marriage ends.

Economic Hardship: If custodial parent has sufficient resources this will reduce difficulties for the child.

Divorce is linked to chronic conditions, risk of early death, cancer, and heart problems

Children are Less affected by divorce if they maintain high quality relationships with parents

Cognitive interdependence: Using "We" instead of "I", "We are a team together"

Michalangelo Phenomenon: When our partners encourage us to be all we could be

Accommodation: Tolerate a bad mood, swallow minor mistreatments without fighting back. Requires Self Control!

Play: Do Novel things together, pleasant and challenging.

Forgiveness: Forgive partners betrayal, much better than ruination.

​​​​​​​Relationship maintenance techniques

Positivity

Assurance

Sharing tasks

There are many types of therapies, single person, couple, either way one or both partners going to therapy is significantly better than none!

Stresses and Strains

Stresses and Strains are common, they suggest we are not as well liked as we would wish to be, this is Fueled by the NEED TO BELONG!

Painful to perceive our relational value is lower than we would like it to be, especially from important others we value.

Hurt Feelings: Mild to extreme rejection is as bad as physical pain

Ostracism: Species is sensitive to any hint of social rejection.

Jealousy: Fear, Hurt, Anger

Belief that if someone was unfaithful once, they will be unfaithful again

Deception and Lying: When people are happy in a relationship, they are less likely to lie.

Betrayals are hurtful and negative, and sometimes have a long-lasting effect on a relationship. They are common in relationships. Some ways of coping are better than others, do not ruminate or seek revenge!

Forgiveness: When in doubt, choose forgiveness.

Conflict

Interpersonal Conflict: Two people involved active interference with another goals

Conflict is inevitable, influential, and frequent in close relationships. Couples disagree about almost anything, some experience conflict more than others.

Demand and Withdraw: Seems gendered, depends who is raising issue. Men tend to withdraw, women tend to demand and solve conflict.

Negotiation and certain types of accommodation, voice and loyalty can be helpful

Can fighting be good?

YES IF

Do not withdraw

Do not go negative

Do not get caught in loop of negativity

Speaker-Listener technique

Power

Power: Ability to influence behavior of others and resist their influence on us.

Based on control of resources, money etc.

Sources of Power

Principle of lesser interest: Person with less interest in continuing a relationship has MORE power

Availability of comparisons

Typically men have more alternatives as they interact with more people. Higher comparison level.

Fate Control: Extreme, partner controls the other person no matter what

Behavior Control: Less extreme, Change in own behavior, encourage partner to change their actions. Tit for Tat!

Violence

Violence: Intention to do physical harm to others

Prevalence of Violence, 25% of women, and 14% of men experience physical violence.

Dissolution: Divorce rates increased exponentially until 1980's, where they have been stable since.

Postdissolution relationships: Some will continue friendship after break up, but most fade

Men are more warm and tender than people think, 1/3 of them are as tender as women

Low self-esteem partners are not ideal

Proximity, familiarity and convenience are key for a relationship to even happen

Looks matter, beautiful = good

Cannot avoid conflict and more than likely our partners will betray us at one point

In happy relationships, passion decreases over time and is replaced by affectionate warm friendship.

Passionate romantic love is why we marry but it fades quickly over time.