Human Relations Section 3

Page 1

Frustration is the feeling you get when events beyond your control keep you from reaching a goal. As you're surely aware, frustration occurs in everyone's life. Some frustrations are small, like jumping into the shower and finding no hot water. Others are much more meaningful, like losing an election for public office. Frustration is almost always blamed on events we can't control. Frustration occurs throughout our lives in various forms, including the following:

Financial frustration: You want to buy a new car, but you don't earn enough to make the payments.

Family frustration: matter what you say or do, no one will help you clean up after dinner.

Social frustration: You go to a concert with friends. Upon arriving, you find that the tickets are sold out.

Career frustration: You're in line for a promotion but you don't receive it.

Education frustration: You work hard on a paper and only get a "C"for your efforts.

Political frustration: The candidate you favor isn't elected.

Athletic frustration: Your team loses the championship.

Another type of frustration is perhaps the most difficult to deal with: the general frustration you feel when everything seems to be going wrong.

One of the results of frustration is aggression, the need to strike out physically or verbally. The goal of aggression is to remove the obstacle that is causing the frustration. If there isn't a clear obstacle that has caused the frustration, we sometimes strike out at whomever or whatever is around us. The relationship between frustration and aggression is predictable. An obstacle comes between a person and a goal and causes a feeling of frustration. To remove the obstacle and relieve the feeling of frustration, the person becomes aggressive. Sometimes the aggression is aimed at the obstacle that is causing the frustration. At other times, the aggression is aimed at any convenient target. When this happens, serous problems can occur. Two facts about aggression caused by frustration. First, we often take out aggression on a person other than the cause of frustration. Second, the most likely person is one with whom we have a strong relationship. When frustration strikes, the targets for aggression will often be family and friends. The chief reason hey become targets of our aggression is that they're convenient. We also become aggressive toward family and friends because of the strong relationships we have with them. We become aggressive toward family and friends because our relationships can usually survive the strain. Family and friends are forgiving, understanding, and accepting. When we become aggressive toward them, they usually accept it. The actual person we feel responsible for our frustration might not be so tolerant. Talking back to a supervisor at work can cause you to lose your job. Snapping at family members or friends will hurt their feelings, but we believe they will get over it. Problems occur when aggression aimed at family and friends get out of hand. A little aggression felt over a long period of time can damage a relationship forever. What's worse, aggression can become physically violent, which is a very serious problem. Aggression isn't the only way to handle frustration. Other techniques make us feel just as satisfied and cause far fewer problems.

No matter what you do, there will be times when you become frustrated. Your frustrations will usually be minor. The way you handle these frustrations will help determine your success. Frustrations often result from simple situations:

The alarm clock doesn't g off.

Traffic is heavy.

The door to your car is frozen shut.

Te electricity goes off just before your favorite TV show.

Other frustrations are people problems:

Your supervisor asks you to do a job you don't like.

The server in a restaurant spills water in your lap.

Your ate cancels at the last minute.

Situations such as these are frustrating, but anyone will admit they're not very important. How could you best handle these situations? There are several possible solutions, all of which help to relieve the feeling of frustration and aggression in an acceptable way.

Perform a physical activity. The most frequent way that people relieve their aggression's is through physical activity.

Blow off steam. There are many ways to "blow off steam" without aiming your aggression at someone. Some common ways to blow off steam are slamming a door, shouting, and throwing something into the trash. Of course, you don't want to do these things with people around. Instead, they should be private activities which no one else shares. The secret to blowing off steam is to find a harmless activity that reduces your aggression.

Use positive self-talk. Self-talk is also useful in reducing frustration and aggression. Self-talk works because frustration and aggression are both created in our minds, so w can "un-create" them.

What does it take to handle the major frustrations? These frustrations include problems involving your career, your family, and your financial situation. One solution is to gain control of your life. Remember, frustration is the result of situations that get out of control. Whenever an obstacle stands between you and your goal, think about what can be done to remove the obstacle. A second way to handle major frustrations is to persevere. Perseverance is the process of continuing to work at something until you reach your goal. You must be patient and not expect immediate results. A third way to handle major frustrations is to change your goals. If you realize that you simply can't achieve your goals, you should avoid frustration by changing them. Changing goals doesn't make you a quitter. If you honestly realize that you can't reach your original goal, choose another that you think you can reach. If a goal you've set for yourself is impossible to reach, you shouldn't let it ruin your life. Instead, you should pursue another goal that makes you fell just as good. Life is filled with opportunities. If you find that one goal is impossible to achieve, choose another goal rather than become frustrated.

Key points:

Frustration is the feeling you get when events beyond your control keep you from reaching a goal.

One of the results of frustration is aggression, the need to strike out physically or verbally. The goal of aggression is to remove the obstacle that is causing the frustration.

Ways to deal with minor frustrations include physical activity, using positive self-talk, and blowing off steam.

Good ways to handle major frustrations are perseverance, taking control of your life, and setting goals and working toward them.

Page 2

To achieve success you must learn how to get time on your side. Learning how to use time wisely isn't very difficult. The hardest part will be making a commitment to be more efficient. Once you get time on your side, you'll have more freedom. You won't find yourself rushing, arriving late for appointments, or apologizing for being late. Instead, you'll be more efficient because you'll reach your goals without wasting time. You'll be more productive, and you'll get along with others more easily. They'll know that you respect them because you know how important their time is.

The first step to getting time on your side is planning. You should plan your day using the available time to accomplish your tasks. To devise a plan, begin with a time analysis of your work schedule. Performing a time analysis is simple. Just list the different tasks you perform and indicate when you do them. Once you complete your time analysis, you must decide if you're spending your time as productively as you can. Building a daily schedule reveals how you're spending your time. It also gives you a chance to decide if you should make changes. A schedule helps you determine if you're wasting time or spending to much or to little time on certain activities.

Along with arranging your daily schedule, you should organize longer periods of time, such as a week or a month. You won't have as much detail as in a daily schedule. Your goal is to organize the important tasks you must complete. This will help you remember important tasks so you can schedule enough time to complete them. Here's a good tip for organizing your schedule. If you have a major event or long-term goal in the future, such as taking a test or going on vacation, don't include just that event on your schedule. Consider the short-term goals you must achieve to reach the long-term goal. If you have a test a month from today, you should decide how much you want to study week. Then when you make your schedule, include these short-term goals. By spreading your study time over four weeks, you won't have to cram at the last minute.

The one rule of business that's more important than any other: Show up and be on time. Everything else you do is of secondary importance. If you aren't at work, then you can't do a good job. And if you arrive at work late, you'll hurt both your productivity and your reputation as a worker. Naturally, there are sometimes good reasons for not showing up at work or for arriving late. Serious illness family considerations, personal tragedies, or important matters that can't be handled except during your normal working hours are a few acceptable excuses. Employers are aware of these problems and will make exceptions for legitimate excuses. Being late or absent can cause your work to fall behind. When you're late or absent, the activities you perform or the products you manufacture might not get completed. Being late or absent means that other people who depend on you can't finish their work. Team productivity depends on individual productivity. Being late or absent might force other people to do your work. People will develop a negative attitude toward you When you're needlessly late or absent, you're sending a message to people that you believe you're more important than they are. You're also suggesting that you don't have to follow the same rules as everyone else. The ultimate cost of being late of absent is losing your job. If you're often late or absent, your employer will have to replace you. And because of your poor performance, you won't get a good recommendation.

The pattern of being late or absent can be broken. The following are some suggestions for breaking bad work habit.

Adopt a new "on time" attitude. Use positive self-talk to convince yourself that being on time is important to your career and to your relationships.

Plan your time better. Making a schedule will help you break the lateness habit because you won't be surprised by events you've forgotten about.

Be realistic about how long something will take. Part of the problem faced by people who are often late or absent is that they're not good at estimating how long a task will take.

As already mentioned, there are good reasons for being late or absent. The following are some guidelines that will help you decide if your reason for staying home or being late is a good one. Acceptable reasons for staying home from work:

You're sick or injured hat you won't be able to perform your job.

Your illness can be transmitted to other people.

Traveling to work would be dangerous.

Your emotional state is so bad that you won't be able to perform your job.

There has been a serious illness, injury, or emergency in your family and you must be a caregiver.

There has been a death in your immediate family.

An uncontrollable situation occurs, such as bad weather, a disaster or emergency, or an automobile breakdown.

Acceptable reasons for being late for work:

There's a personal or legal situation you must handle during regular business hours.

There's routine health or medical care that you must handle during regular business hours.

You encounter unexpected traffic problems, such as a road closure or bad accident.

Note: Always check your company policy about lateness and absences.

When you have an acceptable reason for being absent from work, you should handle the situation professionally using the following steps.

Call in and explain your situation to your supervisor. If you can't reach your supervisor,then be sure to contact the person responsible for informing him or her. Let your supervisor know what the problem is and why it's a good idea to stay home.

Tell your supervisor when you expect to return to work. Remember that you're an important part of a team. When you're away from work, special arrangements must be made to handle your workload. As a courtesy to your supervisor and your coworkers, you should let them know when you'll return. If you expect to be out for more than one day, call in to let your supervisor know how you're recovering.

Don't use a sick day for entertainment or recreation. Imagine how your supervisor might feel if he or she sees you shopping or fishing after you've called in sick. If 're too sick to go to work, then you're to sick to do other things. The best advice is to stay home

When you return, try extra hard to make up any work that was missed because of your illness. Even if you have the best excuse in the world for missing work, your absence caused difficulties for you supervisor or coworkers. To show that you understand this, work extra hard when you return. Show that you want to get things flowing smoothly again. By working hard, you'll also show respect for your supervisor and coworkers.

Key points:

Being organized and learning how to use time wisely will help you have more free time.

Plan your day using the available time to accomplish your tasks.

The one rule of business that's more important than any others to show up on and be on time.

The pattern of being late or absent can be broken through a change attitude, better planning, and realistic estimation of time.

Page 3

Up to this point, you've focused on ways you can improve your human relations skills. Now it's time to prepare you for some problems you might encounter in dealing with people. These problems are really human relations mistakes. We've stressed how important listening is to getting along with people. It's one of the foundations of human relations. Not listening well is a major human mistake. There are several ways that people fail to listen.

Not giving other people a chance to talk. You do this by talking too much yourself, interrupting the other speaker, or by simply ignoring the other speaker.

Letting someone talk without paying attention. You might look away or think about something else while the person is talking.

Paying attention to what people say but misinterpreting the message. This is the most common listening problem. Most people don't even know they're doing it.

When it's important that you understand someone, listen carefully to what they say. Look at people when they're speaking and repeat their words to yourself. Don't begin thinking about your answer or what you should do until the person has finished speaking.

Another major human relations mistake is misjudging other people's abilities. When you misjudge someone's abilities,it shows a lack of respect for the person. Respect means more than saying nice things about people. It means that you truly believe they're capable, that their opinions matter, and that their lives have value. Don't be hasty to think that other people aren't capable or are doing things the wrong way. Give them a chance to demonstrate their abilities. If you have a chance, discuss why they do things a certain way. You might be surprised at their abilities.

Making mistakes is also art of learning how to do things better. Successful people are those who can look at their mistakes honestly, correct the situation that caused the mistake, and improve their productivity as a result. People who can't admit they made a mistake pay a great price. Don't get a bad attitude if you make a mistake. Admit that you were wrong and find out how you can change the situation. People will respect you for being responsible.

Motivation is the incentive that begins and sustains the things we do. Sometimes motivation can be provided by another person. External motivation can be provided by people around you. Internal motivation is motivation we provide ourselves. It usually takes the form of positive self-talk that pushes us to succeed Successful people almost always have very high self-motivation. They're successful because they can do their best even if no one else is around or encouraging them to work harder. When you're self-motivated, you're able to overcome the problems you encounter in everyday life. You rarely suffer from "burnout," and if you have a bad day, you don't blame other people. Instead, you bounce back the next day and continue to do your best. Use positive self-talk to keep yourself "up" so you always do your best.

No matter how hard we try, there are times when our relationships are damaged. Good human relations skills will make it less likely that this may occur, but nothing can eliminate the risk completely. It's therefore important to learn how to handle injured relationships so they can be restored. The first step in dealing with injured relationships is to recognize them. The following list includes several clues that can help you know when a relationship has been damaged.

You have a strange feeling of discomfort with the other person. One of the first signs of a damaged relationship is a feeling you can't put your finger on. You know something is wrong, u just can't describe it clearly. You know it isn't good, but your not sure it's bad. This is a warning signal. It doesn't necessarily mean you should begin to repair your relationship with the person as soon as you get this feeling. You should pay attention, however, so your relationship doesn't become worse.

You find yourself behaving differently toward the other person. Relationships affect our behavior. If you find that you're behaving differently toward a person, it's possible that your relationship has been injured.

The other person in the relationship behaves differently toward you.

Other people comment that something isn't right between you and the other person in the relationship. Sometimes the people sharing a relationship aren't very good at noticing that something is wrong. This happens when you're too close to the situation. For example, parents sometimes don't notice that their children are growing up. They see the children everyday and don't recognize the small changes that are happening. When a friend or relative comes along and comments, "My, how your son has grown," the parents notice the changes. Relationships can become the injured in the same way. Close friends might slowly drift apart because of a small problem. They might never notice the change in their relationship. When someone else asks whether something is wrong between the friends, they notice the problem themselves.

The four signals listed here can let you know that your relationship has been injured. Relationships don't heal themselves, however. You must make the effort to put things right. This is when good human relation skills become useful.

The first step to repairing the relationship is to decide that it's worth saving. If you don't think the relationship is worth saving, your efforts probably won't restore it. How do you decide that a relationship is worth saving? One way is to think about what you and the other person gain from the relationship. Another way is to think about how the damaged relationship affects other people you know. An important step to saving a relationship is to look at the problem from the other person's point of view. This is called "putting yourself in their shoes." Communicating honestly and openly is another important step in saving a damaged relationship. Let the other person know how you feel, and ask the person to be open with you also. Focus on the issue that damaged the relationship and try to put it behind you. There are some situations, however, in which a fourth step is necessary: changing the behavior that caused the problem. This step is required when the behavior of one of the people sharing the relationship is the cause of the problem.

Key points:

The four most common human relations mistakes are (1) failing to listen, (2) misjudging others' abilities, (3) failing to accept responsibility for mistake, and (4) lacking self-motivation.

Motivation is the incentive that begins and sustains the things we do.

Internal motivation is motivation we provide ourselves.

External motivation is provided by another person

Relationships can be damaged by thoughtless behavior and misunderstandings.

Relationships can be repaired by considering the other person's point of view, changing problematic behavior, and communicating openly and honestly.

Page 4

Many aspects of life constantly change. The change is usually positive but there are times when nothing seems to happen. These times are called plateau periods. The word plateau comes from geology and describes a steep mountain with a flat or level top. Thus, a plateau period can be defined as a time when there's little growth or development (leveling-off) in certain life processes. Plateaus aren't necessarily bad; they're a normal part of growth or change. It's difficult, however, for the people on the plateau to understand what's happening. Before they can deal with the plateau, they must take a look at their situation and understand what's taking place.

Many aspects of life are processes. That is, they're always changing. Life processes have hills, valleys, and plateau periods. Sometimes matters go very well and we're at the top of the hill of life. At other times we feel that we're down in a valley. During plateau periods, things seem to stall or slow down. Think of a plateau as a time of rebuilding. Instead of thinking of plateaus as dead ends, take advantage of them to gather your strength. When you face a plateau period, avoid being frustrated. Sometimes you might not even know what has come between you and your goal. Luckily, the obstacle in a plateau is almost always temporary. One strategy, then, for dealing with plateau periods is patience. A second strategy for dealing with plateaus is to build other interests. Changing the way you do things is another strategy for dealing with plateaus. Another strategy is positive self-talk. You know that the plateau periods are a part of important processes in your life. You also know that they'll end after a period of time. Knowing these facts, it should be easy to think of positive self-talk you can use.

Define the plateau period. A plateau period is a time when there's a "leveling off," with little growth in certain life processes.

Name three life processes that may have plateau periods. Relationships, Careers, and education.

Name the four strategies for dealing with plateau periods. Have patience, build other interests, change the way you do things, and use positive self-talk.

Key points:

A plateau period is a time when there's little growth or development in certain life processes.

Strategies for dealing with a plateau period include patience, building other interests, changing your approach, and using positive self-talk.

Page 5

You've learned the importance of a positive attitude. A positive attitude is one of the keys to a successful life. Is a positive attitude like fuel that can be used up? The answer is "Yes." If you aren't careful, you can use up your good attitude and find yourself feeling down. This doesn't mean that you should ration your good attitudes and use them only in special situations. Attitudes are renewable resources that can be restored.

Positive attitude are like emotional energy. When you get up in the morning, your attitude should be very positive---you have lots of emotional energy. As you go through the day, some situations add to your energy and some use it up. By day's end, the amount of energy you have left depends on what happened throughout the day. At the end of a good day, you should have a very positive attitude. If the day didn't go so well, then your emotional energy will be low and your attitude might be less than positive. It makes sense, then, to do everything you can to keep your emotional energy high so your attitude remains positive. The following suggestions can help keep your emotional energy high during the day.

Plan a realistic schedule. Many people either try to cram to much into a day or don't have any plans at all. If your day is to busy then your emotional energy will be drained. If your day is too empty then you'll be bored and your emotional energy will also be low.

Start your schedule with things you have to do. You don't have to include everything you do in a day, but your list should contain the most important activities.

Try to do the most important things when you're at your best. Match the task you must do with your energy level.

Set your goals for each day. These goals should be clearly stated and achievable.

Save some private time to spend quality time with friends and family. This quality time you spend by yourself or with others can relieve stress and pump up your attitude.

Deal with frustrations positively.

If you experience a problem in a family, social, or working relationship, try to handle the situation as soon as possible. This will prevent the problem from staying on your mind and draining your emotional energy.

Learn to "pigeonhole" problems. Pigeonholes are small compartments in which pet pigeons can make nests. When you pigeonhole your problems, you keep them confined in the situation in which they occurred.

Even if you follow the suggestions and they work well for you, at times you'll need an extra dose of attitude renewal. You'll know when you need this big-time renewal. Your body and your mind will tell you it's time to unwind. The renewal comes from inside yourself, of course, but there are a number of things you can do to get the renewal process started.

The most popular way to get a big dose of attitude adjustment is through the "classic" vacation. There's one caution about taking a vacation, if you aren't careful, you return from the trip in worse shape than you left. Some people try to cram to much into a vacation. The same suggestions that help you renew your attitude during a regular day also work for a vacation. Don't plan too much, set clear goals concerning what you want to accomplish, and try to get as much quality time into your vacation as possible. Finally adopt a "vacation attitude." The minute you finish work, get into the vacation mode. Relax, and just let yourself be carried along with the events. If little things go wrong, try to handle them without getting yourself worked up. After all, this is a vacation, and your goal is to increase your emotional energy, not drain it.

For many people, vacations come just once a year. What happens if you need a jolt of positive energy between vacations? Well how about a mini-vacation? This can be a weekend or just a day off. Use a mini-vacation accomplish something. You shouldn't spend it sleeping late or watching TV, even if you like these two activities. Here are some ideas that you can use to get started thinking about a mini-vacation.

Dedicate a day to a hobby or pastime you enjoy.

Dedicate a day to something you would like to learn.

Be an observer.

An amazing thing that happens when you spend a day as a volunteer for a organization that's providing a public service. You might put out a huge amount of energy and work from dawn until dusk, but at the end of the day, and for many days to come, you'll feel an emotional "high." The effort you put into volunteer services will b returned to you many times over. All of use depend on our planet for life, have enjoyed the support of our community, and have benefited from the generosity of people we never even knew. We are responsible to put something back by helping others, contributing to the common good, or doing our part to keep Mother Nature as healthy as possible. Few things you'll ever do for yourself will be as fulfilling as those things you do for others. Find an organization or group whose goals appeal to you, get involved, and get renewed!

A great deal of scientific evidence shows that physical health and mental health are related. Taking care of your body is important to renewing your attitude. Everyone should do what they can to keep their good health. The following a some suggestions that will keep your body healthy and prevent your positive attitude from getting tired.

Get enough sleep. If your exhausted,your emotional energy will be low and everything you do will make you feel even more tired.

Eat right. When you eat too much, too little, or eat the wrong foods, your body chemistry is affected. You might feel tired, moody, nervous, or just out of sorts. These feelings will make it difficult for you to keep your attitude up.

Get some exercise. Try to squeeze some exercise into each day, even if it's just a few minutes.

Key points:

Strategies for maintaining a positive attitude include planning a realistic schedule, setting goals, saving private time for yourself, and handling problems quickly.

Periodic attitude renewal through a vacation or other break is important to maintaining positivity.

Physical health contributes to mental health, so you should eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise to renew your attitude.