IND - close relationships, passion and intimacy part two

MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS
1. good relationships tend to stay the same over time, popular myth that they continue to improve. key to maintaining a good relationship is to avoid a downward spiral.
  1. SPRECHER - 1999 - people believe their relationships are getting better but they are mistaken.
2. the field changed in order to study long-term relationships, as can't measure in a one-hour lab experiment.
3. MILLER - 1997 - whether relationships last or not depends on temptation to seek other partners. FOUND that how long they looked at photos of attractive single people corresponded with likelihood of breaking up. looked longer = broke up.
4. RUSBULT - 1983 - people stay in relationships when they are happy and satisfied. INVESTMENT MODEL - RUSBULT - factors = 1. satisfaction, 2. quality of available alternatives, will remain in an abusive relationship if think there are no alternatives. 3. how much the person has invested into the relationship, 20 years children, savings etc unlikely to leave. PUTTING THESE FACTORS TOGETHER CAN PREDICT RELATIONSHIPS.
THINKING SYTLES OF COUPLES
1. crucial differences between happy and unhappy couples are based on the attributions they make. (the inferences about the causes of events)
2. RELATIONSHIP ENHANCING STYLE OF ATTRIBUTION - partner did something nice say due to internal "nice guy" etc, if bad say "oh due to work" - external. good acts internal, bad external.
3. DISTRESS MAINTAINING STYLE - good acts are external and bad are internal. once this attribution is in place, good actions tend to be discounted.
4. OPTIMISM IN THE RELATIONSHIP - MACDONALD AND ROSS - 1999 - happy couples have an idealised version of their relationship. couples rate themselves more positively than do their parents and roomates,
  1. DEVALUING ALTERNATIVES - JOHNSON AND RUSBULT - 1989 - people in lasting relationships do not find others appealing. people in lasting relationships didn't find others appealing. linked to MILLER - 1997 study where looked at attractive faces longer, broke up, temptation.
SEXUALITY
1. humans form relationships based on two separate systems, ATTACHMENT SYSTEM - gender neutral. SEX DRIVE - focus on the opposite sex. LOVE COMES FROM ATTACHMENT DRIVE, INDEPENDENT OF GENDER.
  1. DIAMOND - 2003 - attachment and sex are somewhat separate.
2. SOCIAL CONSTRUCTIONIST THEORIES - cultural forces and socialisation shape how people assign meaning to their lives. sexual attitudes and behaviours are dependent on culture. sexual revolution changed sexual attitudes rapidly. sexual desire is seen as the result of social and political influences.
3. EVOLUTIONARY THEORY - BUSS - 1994 - gender differences are based in reproductive strategies. sex drive has been shaped by natural selection and its forms are innate. woman can only have a few children so cautious about sex and mating, but biologically men can make many women pregnant and walk away. one time sexual encounters more appealing to men - TRIVERS - 1972
4. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY - analysing the costs and benefits of interacting with one another. economic perspective on sex. the minority gender has more influence. when men outnumber women, people have little extramarital sex and men make commitment before sex. supply and demand.
5. SEX AND GENDER
  1. men have a stronger sex drive than women. COOLIDGE EFFECT - males exhibit renewed sexual interest if introduced to new receptive sexual partners, even after refusing sex from prior but still available sexual partners.
    1. EROTIC PLASTICITY - sex drive can be shaped by social, cultural and situational forces.
  2. SEPARATING LOVE AND SEX - men are more likely to seek and enjoy sex without love. women are ore likely to enjoy love without sex.
    1. women are the gatekeepers to sexual encounters.
  3. all studies point to idea that men want more sex, think about it more, more aroused, more sex partners, more risks.
6. HOMOSEXUALITY
  1. homosexuality changes theories of sexuality, most cultures condemn homosexuality AND natural selection doesn't support it. no clearly defined gender roles, no culturally determined script. sexuality not a product of cultural conditioning therefore. and sex drive not based on evolution it would seem.
  2. BEM - 1998 - "EXOTIC BECOMES EROTIC" - sexual arousal is labelled from the emotional nervousness resulting from exposure to exotic. difficult to test and verify this theory. homosexuals play with opposite gender in childhood so when older the same sex is exotic and unknown.
EXTRADYADIC SEX
1. most reliable data suggests infidelity is rare in modern western marriages. tolerance for extramarital sex is low. extramarital sex is a risk factor for breakups, cannot demonstrate causality.
2. some couples can have an open relationship to sex and many partners. such as during the sexual revolution of the 1970s.
3. many different findings from studies, some say that nearly half of all married people stray - THOMPSON - 1983. HOWEVER more than 75% of husbands and 90% of wives claim to have been entirely faithful - LAUMANN ET AL - 1994
  1. EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY - BUSS - 1994 - has suggested that having affairs and duping the husband into raising a child that is not his is a strategy that makes sense to pass on one's genes.
    1. people who remain faithful are more likely to stay together. extramarital sex is a risk factor for breaking up. - WIEDERMAN - 1997
4. REASONS FOR STRAYING
  1. men desire novelty, sometimes engage in extramarital sex without complaint about their marriage. women's infidelity is characterised by emotional attachment to her lover. usually dissatisfied by current partner.
JEALOUSY AND POSSESSIVENESS
1. CULTURAL theory of jealousy - REISS - 1986 - product of social roles and expectations, sexual jealousy is found in every culture, forms, expressions and rules may vary. society can modify jealousy but cannot eliminate it.
  1. EVOLUTIONARY THEORY OF JEALOUSY - BUSS - 1994 - men ensure they were not supporting someone else's child, WOMEN - if husband becomes emotionally involved with another, the male may withold resources.
    1. jealousy can either focus on sexual or emotional connections with another. men may focus more strongly on sexual aspects than women.
2. CAUSES OF JEALOUSY - jealousy is a product of both the person and the situation, many suspicions jealousy are accurate. paranoid (false) jealousy is rare.
  1. the less of a threat from the other person / interloper, the less jealousy. jealousy depends on how their traits compare to the third party. both men and women are more jealous if the third party is a man rather than woman.
3. SOCIAL REALITY - WICKLUND - 1982 - public awareness of some event, important role in jealousy, high social reality = high jealousy. the more other people know about your partner's infidelity, the more jealousy.
  1. CULTURAL REGULATION - all cultures regulate sex in some ways, cultural regulation is more directed at women, erotic plasticity and paternity uncertainty.
    1. DOUBLE STANDARD - is defined as a pattern of moral judgement that says some sexual behaviours are acceptable for men but not women. supported more by women than men, weaker than is usually assumed.

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IND - close relationships, passion and intimacy part two

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