IND - close relationships, passion and intimacy part one

most people in modern cultures agree that to miss out on love is to live a poorer and emptier life compared to people who experience those things.having social bonds is linked to better mental and physical health. people who marry live longer and healthier lives than people who never marry. - HOROWITZ ET AL - 1996. however unhappy marriages are probably worse than never marrying
1. may be thet people who are healthier and saner to start with are more likely to marry, so better health may not be a result of marriage.
PASSIONATE OR ROMANTIC LOVE - strong feelings of lo0nging, desire and excitement towards a special person. focus on sex.
1. there is a PHYSIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO IN (PRESENCE OF PEA (phenylethylamine). people who are passionately in love have high levels of PEA. a neurotransmitter that sends tingling sensations of excitement.
  1. HONESTY - honesty is crucial for relationship success. discepency between idealisation view and complete honesty. people in passionate love often idealise and overestimate their partners, relationships thrive when couples retain their best behaviour in front of their partners.
    1. feel insecure if partner doesn't know the real you but hard to sustain idealised view. SWANN - 1998 - people were most intimate with partners who viewed them favourably. HOWEVER marriage was most intimate when partners saw them as they were.
COMPANIONATE LOVE - mutual understanding and caring. also called AFFECTIONATE LOVE.
LOVE AND CULTURE
1. is romantic love universal?
  1. is a CULTURAL CONSTRUCTION.?
    1. SOCIAL CONSTRUCTIONIST VIEW - cultural values and meanings have shaped personal feelings and changed the way people run their loves.
  2. romantic love universal
    1. JANKOWIAK - 1995 - SUGGESTS THAT PASSIONATE LOVE IS NOT A PRODUCT OF WESTERN CULTURE.
      1. romantic love is not a social construction, romantic love is found in most cultures, forms and expression vary by culture, attitude varies by culture and era.
        WESTERN culture sees passionate love as an important part of life. people in other cultures feel love as we do but don't place the same value on it and don't feel a life without passionate love is a lesser life.
        STONE - 1977 - passionate love in previous europe was seen as a form of mental imbalance that made people act in crazy ways. they didn't think passionate love was a good basis for marriage.
LOVE ACROSS TIME
1. COMPANIONATE LOVE may be harder to create than passionate love. companionate love is what makes a marriage stable, trusting and lasting.
2. passionate love is important for starting a relationship. passionate love only exists for brief periods of time and in the past is compared with insanity.. COMPANIONATE love is important for making it succeed and survive.
3. JAMES - 1981 - over time passion decreases, only experience passion for one maybe 2/3 years if lucky. JAMES found that frequency of sexual intercourse declined by about half after the first year of marriage.
  1. BLUMSTEIN ET AL - 1983 - decrease in passion can be found in data about frequency of sexual intercourse, as time goes by, a married couple has sex less and less.
    1. ARD - 1977 - sex continues to go down as the couple grows old, not entirely due to aging as if a couple divorce and then remarry then sex increases with new partner
4. the decline of sexual desire is normal but is often mistaken for a sign of being out of love. biochemical rush declines. PEA declines as it is a feature linked to new love.
5. married people have sex more often, more satisfying, married people more likely indicate physical or emotional satisfaction from sex. single people spend more time at each sexual episode, more exual partners, try new things.
STERNBERG'S TRANGLE
1. THREE COMPONENTS - PASSION - emotional state with high bodily arousal.... INTIMACY - feeling of closeness, mutual understanding and concern... AND COMMITMENT - conscious decision, remains constant.
  1. after time, a good relationship will have less passion, but high intimacy and commitment.
    1. a whirlwind romance on the otherhand has high passion and intimacy but no commitment.
  2. any given love relationship can mix any of the three components.
    1. love at first sight usually involves low intimacy.
  3. an ideal love might contain substantial measurements of all three ingredients, if none of the three were present then sternberg would say there is no love.
  4. all three components have different time courses, passion arises quickly but tends to diminish after a while, intimacy arises more slowly. but continues arising for a long time.
DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP
1. EXCHANGE RELATIONSHIPS - more frequent in broader society, increases societal progress and wealth/
  1. EXCHANGE RELATIONSHIPS - based on reciprocity and fairness, each person does something for the other with the expectation of getting a benefit in return. e.g. a dentist or other service.
2. TWO DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP - EXCHANGE AND COMMUNAL - CLARK - 1984
3. COMMUNAL RELATIONSHIPS - more frequent in close intimate relationships, more desirable, healthier and mature.
  1. COMMUNAL RELATIONSHIPS - based on mutual love and concern, people do things for each other without expecting to be repaid. e.g. two sisters.
4. BLUMSTEIN ET AL - 1983 - couples who pool there money in a communal account while living together are more likely to remain together and get married than couples who work on an exchange basis.
5. ATTACHMENT
  1. BOWLBY - influenced by freudian and leaning theory. he believed childhood attachment predicted adult relationships.
    1. bowlby observed separations of children from their parents during world war 2.
      1. BOWLBY'S original theory included three types of attachment, which SHAVER later extended. the categories range along a continuum, from pulling close to pushing away.
  2. SHAVER - 1987 - identified attachment styles to describe adult relationships.
    1. SECURE - comfortable balance.... ANXIOUS / AMBIVALENT - clingy types who want to be as close as possible and want a complete merger with someone, problem that others don't want to be as close as them. AVOIDANT - who are uncomfortable when others want to get close and they try to maintain some distance.
  3. two dimensional theory - BARTHOLOMEW - 1991 - two dimensions called anxiety and avoidance.
    1. FOUR ATTACHMENT STYLES - SECURE ATTACHMENT - good at close relationships, trust partners etc. DISMISSING AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT - positive towards self, low of others, see themselves as worthy but push others away.
      1. FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT - negative towards self and others, view potential partners as untrustworthy, uncaring and see themselves as unlovable. PREOCCUPIED ATTACHMENT - similar to anxious / ambivilant - want to enjoy closeness but have negative attitude towards self want to merge and cling but worry they will be abandoned. provide too much.
  4. ATTACHMENT AND SEX
    1. SECURE - good sex lives. PREOCCUPIED - use sex to pull others close to them. AVOIDANT - have a desire for connection, may avoid sex or use it to resist intimacy.
SELF-ESTEEM AND LOVE
1. popular belief that you need to love yourself before others - ERIKSON, ROGERS AND MASLOW, not demonstrated by theory or facts.
  1. ERIKSON - people must solve identity crisis before start working on intimacy.
    1. ROGERS - focused on self-actualisation - becoming a better person all round rather than self-love. said people needed to receive unconditional love before they were ready to achieve self-actualisation.
2. SELF-ESTEEM - low self-esteem - may feel unloveable. high self-esteem - may feel more worthy than present partner.
3. NARCISSISTS - high self-esteem, strong, unstable, self-love. harmful to relationships, less committed to love relationships. they approach relationships as having fun and getting what they want. tend to hog credit when things go well but blame partners when things go badly. think they are superior - CAMPBELL AND FOSTER - 2002
4. SELF-ACCEPTANCE - more minimal form of self-love, linked to positive interactions - SCHUTZ - 1999

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IND - close relationships, passion and intimacy part one

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