Interpersonal Attraction

Interpersonal Attraction

1. Positive feelings towards one another

2. People in healthy relationships are happier & actually better off

3. Relationships of Choice would included people like your significant other and friends

4. Relationships of Circumstance include people like your family, boss or professor

5. Initial Attraction

   • Appearance
     • Something that is especially important in the beginning stages of a relationship.
       • Babies prefer pictures of attractive faces
     • What is Attractive?
       • Large eyes, prominent cheekbones, & a big smile
       • Males
         • A large chin, height and more muscle than fat
       • Females
         • small nose & chin, narrow cheeks, high eyebrows, waist to hip ratio
       • Statistically Average Faces
       • Symmetry & the Golden Ratio
       • Halo Effect
         • More Attractive? The more good and smart the person will be seen as
         • Beautiful means better social skills? -> Self-fulfilling prophecy
   • Misattribution of Arousal
     • The process by which people mistaken inferences about what is causing them to feel the way they do.
       • The Bridge experiment, and the Bachelor "Extreme" Dates. They mistake the 'rush' they get for attraction.
   • Proximity
     • Attracted to someone you are more likely to see often.
   • Propinquity Effect
     • The increased likelihood of creating a relationship with people based on how close they physically are with each other.
     • Must have positive or neutral feelings at first, with no negative stimulus'
   • Mere Exposure Effect
     • The finding that the more exposure we have to a stimulus, the more apt we are to like it.
       • ex) person's face showing up a lot in your IG feed, listening to a song 8 times before you decide that you like it.
   • Similarity
     • Attraction to people that are like us. More likely to have successful relationships with people that we are similar too. Doesn't have to be similar in every way.
       • i.e. Birds of a feather flock together
       • Why?
         • Social Validation
           • Meets self-esteem needs
         • We can make more confident predictions
         • We can assume that they will like us. We are less likely to be rejected.
   • Complimentary
     • Attraction to people that are opposite to us
       • There is conflict if it doesn't compliment one another
   • Reciprocated Liking
     • When you like someone and they like you. You have to have a certain level of self-esteem for happiness to come.
     • Enhances self-esteem
     • Anticipation of Rewards
     • Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

6. Enduring Relationships

   • Companionate Love
     • The feelings of intimacy and affection we feel toward someone with whom our lives are deeply intertwined
     • Parents, Friends, close people in your life
   • Passionate Love
     • The feeling of intense longing, accompanied by physiological arousal we feel for another person.
       • Very extreme and largely emotional
       • So euphoric it actually shuts down parts of your brain and changes it's chemistry.
         • Brain scans look similar to those with OCD, behaviours associated with. Serotonin drops
         • Brain is soaked in Dopamine, so much is released it is similar to when the person is high on cocaine.
           • It's addictive
           • When Passionate love subsides to return to normal functioning, people think they have fallen out of love. Really they are just moving into more companionate love.
     • Your partner or soul mate, man and wife

7. Evolutionary Theory

   • Mating strategies and parental investment are different for males and females. Both respond differently to these investments.
   • Males
     • Not very costly
   • Females
     • Massive investment and takes a long time
   • Being able to reproduce and survive are the greatest goals in life

8. Attachment Theory

   • The theory that our behaviour in adult relationships, is based on our experiences as infants with our parents or caregivers
   • Mary Ainsworth and the Strange Situation Technique
   • 3 Types of Infant Attachments
     • Secure Attachment Style
       • Style that characterizes trust, a lack of concern with being abandoned, and the view that one is worthy and loved. Believe they deserve the best. (60%)
       • They grow up to believe that the world is there for them and that they can trust others because their caregiver was responsive for them.
     • Avoidant Attachment Style
       • Style characterized by a suppression of attachment needs because attempts to be intimate have been rejected. These people find it hard to develop intimate relationships. Lack trust. (20%)
       • Fearfully Avoidant
         • Emotional storms, so scared of rejection.
       • Dismissive Avoidant
         • Emotionally Shutdown, make it seem like they are independent.
       • Can be a disorder
       • Caregiver was unresponsive when they needed them.
     • Anxious-Ambivelent Attachment Style
       • Style characterized by a concern that others will not reciprocate one's desire for intimacy, resulting in higher than average levels of anxiety.(20%)
       • Emotional hunger, need rescuing and dependant on a person, possessive & lack of trust.
       • Result of helicopter caregiver or a caregiver that was all over the place.

9. Maintaining Relationships

   • Social Exchange Theory
     • The theory that how people feel about a relationship depends on their perceptions of the rewards and costs of the relationships, the kind of relationship that they deserve and, the probability that they could have a better relationship with someone else.
     • Reward/Cost Ratio
       • i.e. We do this math in our heads
     • Comparison Level
       • People's expectations about the levels of rewards and costs that they deserve in a relationship
     • Comparison Level for Alternatives
       • People's expectations about the level of rewards and costs they would receive in an alternative relationship
   • Investment Model
     • The theory that people's commitment to a relationship depends on factors of social change theory plus how much they have invested in the relationship. How much they would lose by leaving it.
   • Equity Theory
     • People are happiest when the rewards and costs they experience and the contributions that they make are roughly equal.
   • Commitment Calibration - When there is a lot of adversity, commitment is tested. Positive Illusions - When both members think they are the lucky one.
   • They end because of attraction, theories and boredom.